Xenogears Laughter Machine 4000
by Ghost X-9
Summary: Name says it all. Rating will increase in the future. Please R+R, and tell me how funny you found it.
1. Chapter 1

Xenogears Laughter Machine 4000: A Fei "What If."  
  
By: X-9 GHOST  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Xenogears. Square does.  
  
Speech = ""  
  
Actions = **  
  
Sounds = []  
  
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What would it be like if Fei used the uncool word "Deus" to explain everything?  
  
Bart "Yo, Fei, have you seen my whip?"  
  
Fei: "Ergh...try asking Deus?" *turns the other way and 'secretly' hands Elly a 'FATIMA' brand whip*  
  
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Margie: "Hi Fei. I was just wondering, did you happen to see somebody running out of the cathedral with my Chiffon Nisan?" *grins and flashes Fei her knife*  
  
Fei: [BURP] "I think I saw Deus rushing out." *starts licking icing off of his fingers and lips*  
  
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Citan: "Fei, I don't mean to be a pricky thorn, but did you just happen to stab my wife!?"  
  
Fei: "No! It was Deus! I swear! That bloodthirsty 'god' is out to frame me!"  
  
Citan: "WHAT!?" *flies off in Fenrir to kick Deus' ass*  
  
Fei: "Phew." *proceeds to drag a bloody Yui's body into the closet, and then washes the blood stains off his shirt*  
  
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Sigurd: "Fei, who just ripped apart the Yggdrassil!?"  
  
Fei: "Uhhh...Deus! It was Deus!"  
  
Sigurd: "Very well. Thank you for your time, Fei." *walks away*  
  
Id: "Hehehehe. Fools."  
  
A/N: OK, so the above one wasn't really funny.  
  
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What would it be like if Fei used the word "Id" (which is the coolest word known to the universe, IMHO) to explain everything?  
  
Elly: "Fei, do you know who just messed up my entire wardrobe!?" *points to her room whereas there's silk panties and bras all over the bed and floor*  
  
Fei: "I, umm...uhhh...it was Id! He made me do it!" *flicks one of the panties off his shoulder*  
  
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Bart: "Alright, Fei. I have a question. Sigurd won't shut up about how horrible Deus is and how we should get our revenge on it for destroying the Yggdrassil. I don't believe him. Do you know anyone else who could've done it?"  
  
Fei: "It was Id! I had no control! I was in Weltall at that time, and I was forced to watch Maitreya and some other guy get their asses whooped in their crappy gears. Then Id came out!...HEY! WAIT A MINUTE! That actually made sense!"  
  
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Ramsus: "Fei, why am I so weak?"  
  
Dominia: "Fei, who destroyed countless amounts of unnamed towns, and Elru, my homeland?"  
  
Rico: "Yo Fei. Who killed my subordinates?"  
  
Krelian: "Fei, do you know who destroyed the Solarian capital?"  
  
Fei: "Dammit, one at a time! Ramsus, you're easy slap around, that's all. Dominia, Solaris forced Id to do it. Please don't blame me! Rico, yo subordinates are the weakest I've seen yet. And screw you, Krelian.  
  
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Citan: "So Id seems to be the source of our problems.  
  
Krelian: "And seeing how Id isn't present."  
  
Ramsus: "We've decided to kill the next best thing.or person, in this case, to Id."  
  
Everybody turns towards Fei.  
  
Fei: "Hey, wait a minute now-"  
  
Elly: "Don't worry honey, it won't hurt...much for the first few seconds."  
  
Fei: "I can explain-"  
  
BUT FEI DID NOT GET THE CHANCE TO EXPLAIN, BECAUSE ID CAME OUT AND 10 MINUTES LATER THE WORLD ENDED WHEREAS ID SAW EVERYTHING AS HIS ENEMIES AND KILLED WHATEVER HE SAW.  
  
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Don't worry. There will be more chapters. I promise!  
  
Version 1.0 - Fanfic is established  
  
Version 1.1 - New title, small changes. Version History list added.  
  
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	2. Chapter 2

Xenogears Laughter Machine 4000: MAD Slamming Margie  
  
By: X-9 GHOST  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Xenogears. Square does.  
  
Speech = ""  
  
Thoughts = ''  
  
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What if Margie was mad at Bart, and then to locked herself inside her own room in the Yggdrassil? Here's one of the humorous possibilities.  
  
A/N : I know the writing style for this chapter is different from the previous chapter, but I alternate between them, depending on what the chapter's about.  
  
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"But Margie, it was just a joke!" Bart's pleading words wasn't enough. Or so it seemed until Margie abruptly turned around.  
  
This was basically the result of another one of Bart's pranks or jokes. He'd play it on someone, notably Margie, and then the Holy Mother would just storm off into her own quarters inside the Yggdrassil, only sparing a few words to Bart about how "immature" he was or how he should "properly behave". It usually ends with both apologizing, and continuing on to whatever they were supposed to do.  
  
"Well, Bart..." Margie's voice had a faint hint of sweetness in it. However, it was later overcome with something Margie said that most wouldn't expect from her.  
  
"It's just too freaking bad! Maybe you should smarten up a little, you immature prick! I know at least everyone so damn would be happy if you did so!" Margie screamed at the young prince, nearly waking up some of the patients inside the sand cruiser's infirmary. She then resumed her fast- walk to her room, down the hall.  
  
The Holy Mother, known to a lot of the 'crew' (which consists of the Yggdrassil and the cast of characters), never used foul language. She didn't even use "damn" very often. But, if she was pushed too far, she would push back. Hard.  
  
"Margie! Please? Could you please forgive me?" Bart pleaded, just as they stopped at the door to Margie's room.  
  
Now, before we continue on, let's stop here. Just to prevent some detail- picky moron from flaming me, I'll fill in this "plot-hole". Seeing how Margie was going to be inside the Yggdrassil often, Maison decided to have Margie's room refurnished, to make things more comfortable for her. Including the door. Yes, the door. It no longer slides in and out like the high-tech metallic doors. Instead, it rotates on its hinges, and opens with the twist of a knob, AKA today's cheap common doors. Now back to the story.  
  
"No, Bart. Go away." Margie said as she opened the door and walked inside the room.  
  
"Margie..please. I...I'm sorry." Bart said, with his head down.  
  
"I said, GO AWAY!" Margie screamed, slamming the door shut. Or, it would've slammed shut if it hadn't bounced back on something. Margie, puzzled, slammed the door again. No avail. Her anger burning up inside of her, she slammed it again. This time, with more force. Again, it came right back.  
  
'So, Bart thinks he can stop me from shutting him out by placing his foot in the way of the door, huh. Well let's see how much this prince can endure." Margie thought, as a wicked smile grew on her face. So then she slammed the door, again and again and again. It was almost hypnotizing. Soon, both of Margie's arms were tired.  
  
"Bart, why won't you go away!?" Margie said to Bart, who's eyes were wide. VERY wide. She was about to slam the door one last time, putting everything she had into it, until Bart interrupted her.  
  
"Uhhh.Margie, before you slam the door again, I think you should let Chu- Chu out of the way first."  
  
And there, on the floor, bathed in her own blood, Chu-Chu was struggling to crawl out of the door's way.  
  
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MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I've always wanted to do that!  
  
Version 1.0 - Fanfic established  
  
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